And… Charlie Sheen Wins The Oscar

Charlie Sheen in March 2009
Charlie Accepting His Oscar - 2013?

It’s only a matter of time you’ll hear these words at the <insert number> Academy Awards “and the winner for Best Actor in a leading role is Charlie Sheen – Hoooahh!”

It’s a great story told about a million times before. You get some celebrity who’s gone big time off the rails, maybe getting in trouble with the blue boys, or pants down with a hooker, or shirtless on a massive drug induced rant, or flashing her vag to the low positioned paparazzi photographer. Then they go to jail or do rehab or something that appeals to the mass public and press, have a few non glamorous photos strategically released to the press in plain clothes, no make up and looking like they’ve endured hell on earth.. then the comeback begins.

Charlie Sheen has already had several mug shots taken after being arrested a bunch of times, has and had porn star / hooker girlfriends (if  Denise Richards isn’t a whore, I’m officially surprised) and is still pretty untouchable. Sure you won’t want him looking after a hospital maternity ward unless you want your post pregnant partner pregnant again.. but he’s like no 1 on TV (with that very ordinary sitcom), could pull any half decent chick and has that Robert Downey Jr charm which will mean… he’ll comeback in a big way.

My guess is that after emerging from some 60 or 90 day health resort of which he’ll violate pretty much all of the half decent nurses he meets there, then some director, let’s say Danny Boyle or maybe even Clint who will give him a super serious dramatic role about a recovering drug addict or retarded person (always in with a good oscar shot). Then Charlie will show much realism as he relates so closely to the subject matter, it will be the performance of his career (2nd only to Hot Shots 2), and he’ll win his oscar.

At the Academy Awards, hosted by GEN Z Justin Bieber and Super Freak Lady Gagagagagagagaga, there will be jokes about him banging whores, coking off his head and then the more serious “long and hard road to recovery” bit. He’ll come to the stage to accept his awards, say something humbling from his very carefully written speech notes, smile subtly at the camera in that “I knew what I was doing the whole time way”.. and there you’ve got it COMEBACK. Charlie will join the exclusive comeback company of Enimem, Brittney Spears, Robert Downey Jr, Mickey Rourke, Tom Selleck and Bill Clinton.


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