Top 10 Reasons Coffee Is Better Than Wine

Bags of coffee in São Paulo
Bags Over Barrels

A lot of people say they like wine, I’m sure a lot of them really do. I think there’s a lot more people who want to say they do because by not drinking/appreciating wine, they appear unsophisticated to whoever the hell they’re trying to impression. As a guys, I get trying to impress a girl with your appreciation of finer things, I’d be more impressed with someone who liked good music, movies or coffee than wine.

Coffee is better than wine because:

1) You will never come off looking pretentious tool i.e. drinking coffee doesn’t make you better than anyone else, wine lovers often give this vibe.

2) If you drink 2-3 cups a day, you’re not a raging alcoholic who beats your partner and can still operate machinery

3) A latte should cost you less than $4/$5. Trying buying wine under than price and tell me you still like it.

4) No one gets to be made to feel guilty by a snotty waiter to order a decent bottle of wine with your meal, which of course will cost you more than your meal.  I’ve never understood this, a good steak should cost more than wine.. hands down.

5) Coffee is not complicated. You don’t have to sniff (although coffee smells a whole lot better than wine), swirl it around in your glass and then mouth and explain its complex flavours, body blah blah. (wankers).

6) You don’t spit out coffee, unless it’s 100 degrees or made at McDonalds.

7) Coffee wakes you up while wine puts you to sleep (or when people talk about wine, I feel like I’m being put to sleep).

8) You eat breakfast with coffee. 9-10 times, if you find someplace that makes an excellent coffee, chances are your breakfast will be good as well. Only alcoholics put wine in their cereal.

9) You’ll never get dragged away on a very dull and completely pointless weekend away to tour coffee plantations. At a winery you have to pretend to be smarter than you are, buy a lot of wine because they’ve traveled hours to get there (so they might as well) and listen to wine makers rattle on about something that you’ll never remember or inevitability care about.

10) The number of road fatalities from coffee is – I’m going to guess closer to zero than wine related ones.


3 thoughts on “Top 10 Reasons Coffee Is Better Than Wine

  1. This, quite frankly, has to be my favourite post by yourself.
    Is it wrong to say that I nodded and agreed at most of the points you have raised?!

    Would you object if I was to mention your post on a blog? You have inspired me to blog about my daily coffee hit?

    I cannot deny though, that I am quite partial to a glass of wine or two. When I say wine, I mean decent wine not battery acid or paint stripper stuff, that is truly vile! (Ooops, Have I crossed the pretentious line?!)

    Take care,

    • Thanks again Eloquent. I think I’m just showing a little of my uneducated side and have meet too many wine tossers to set my over the edge. I can tell by your posts that you are far removed from this stuffy, self absorbed group. Plus I’m partial to weed instead of wine. And.. my friend has been doing this thing of visiting the 100 best coffee establishments in our fair city in one year ( and I tag along occasionally.. so I think I’m probably and officially a coffee junkie.

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