Why a stupid lie-down bicycle?

Me on the Volae recumbent bike
Run this guy down with your car

Seriously WTF is it with those bikes where the rider essentially lies down, balls up and sometimes out. Does anyone think at any stage these things are a good idea? Maybe you’re wondering why at all this would piss me off? Ok, let me explain.

Today I’m driving back to work from lunch and while waiting for the lights to turn, I see this Milton fat nerd archetype (like that guy from the movie Office Space who’s obsessed about his stapler) attempting to cross a super busy, 4 lane highway in one of these lie-down bikes. And the nerd is not the type that is a little geeky yet forgivable (you know like Jesse Eisenberg), no the really retarded annoying type that harasses George Lucas (well his staff that answer his emails) about not staying on script in his latest Star Wars cartoon.

Anyway.. here’s the problem. The rider is occupying the entire concrete median strip in the middle of the highway. Occupying essentially as much space as a small car which he’s supposed to share with pedestrians. As a result of his enormous, awkwardly shaped vehicle, the others not on stupid bikes are forced to stand pretty much on the road, dangerously near passing cars traveling at over 80kms an hour. By the way, this includes a small child and an old woman. Nice work nerd!

Then in a move of complete stupidity, the guy starts to move out onto the road while the little man is flashing red, then realises “oh oh” there are cars turning into my direction but… but… of course I can’t turn around like a regular bike can because I’m in dumb bike not designed to easily go backwards. So he’s pretty much got himself stuck in the middle of this highway (by the way, it’s like the 4th largest highway in the state) and while cars are patiently waiting to turn while watching this idiotic scene play out. Nerd attempts to exit the contraption, much like the way a fat person tries to get outta of tight jeans. He half falls out (by the way, I counting about 10 cars trying to turn into the space of the road he’s blocking) but not quite completely… and of course the pedestrians whose lives he’d earlier put at risk (and who are also quietly laughing to themselves, the little girl not so quietly) are now helping moron out of his instrument of death and back on to the concrete median strip. This whole scene ends with a heavy breathing, frustrated guy again occupying the entire median strip with his very considerate helpers back on the road, still fucking waiting to cross over.

If it were me, I would have left him on the road waddling around and justifiably so for choosing this method of getting around. Also, if it were me in the one of the turning cars, I would have cleaned him up on my bumper bar and dragged him down the highway.

Shouldn’t these bikes (known as recumbent bike – great name) not be allowed on the road or in public? Aren’t they some gimmicky, concept that people aren’t supposed to use in real life? When’s the last time you’ve seen a solar car travel down the highway? Actually seeing a fatal crash between a recumbent bike and solar car would have made my year.

Believe it or not, this in my 2nd negative dealing with recumbent bike riders. The other time…. I used to catch the bus every morning. Pretty much at the same time everyday, this guy in a full Lycra suit (he was much fitter than the fat nerd, still as dumb though) would rush by at what seemed like 50kms p/h and scare the shit outta of me. Again, there’s not a lot of space between the footpath and the bus depot, so it makes this enormous noise and is way too close to anyone using the bench. One time I saw him riding in the distance and as he approached, I cast a quarter empty can of drink in his direction – pretending I was trying to get it in the trash. It hit his enormous bike with Sprite going everywhere. I half apologised and laughed. What an idiot – get a normal bike.

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4 thoughts on “Why a stupid lie-down bicycle?

  1. I passed a guy on that type of bike the other day and my kids were like “OMG is he laying down!” The poor guy was struggling. No wonder he was about a mile back from his riding partner. Thanks for sharing.

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