Today was supposed to be a significant day in my children’s lives. We decided, very foolishly and against all instinctive rational sense to take our 2.5 and (and even less wisely) 1.5 year old sons to their movie. Given that my elder heir loves the Pixar Cars movie so much and has forced me to watch it at least 50 times in the past year, we thought that the sequel would be a good choice. For about maybe 4/5 of the movie it was. There were lots of other smaller, noisy little humans masking the noise that my own offspring were making and so I didn’t feel as awkward at the ambivalence they normally show strangers.
Then after the elder had fed the younger about a kilogram of popcorn, the younger (held so safely in my arms) decides to throw up on me. It’s wasn’t fabulous as I attempted to look but more smelt a combination of popcorn mixed with previously consumed formula milk and oatmeal. As we and the seat are heavily coated, we hurriedly exit the theatre. It’s good getting chucked on in the dark, it’s a mystery of not really knowing which parts of you are soiled, then you find out only through the sense of touch. Much like mucking around with a girl in the back seat of the car with the lights out.
So while inspecting the carnage in the bathroom and trying to stop myself from reacting to the stench by not throwing up on my younger son (which would be sweet revenge but probably unpopular), I thought, I bet there’s some sick freaks out there that get off on vomit, you know, fetishists or something like that. There’s supposed to be fetish for pretty much everything right? So, after washing myself, I grab the iphone and check it out. Big, super massive surprise, it’s called emetophilia.
According to our very reliable friends at Wikipedia… emetophilia is a paraphila in which an individual is aroused by vomiting or observing others vomit. Emetophiles put emetophilia into practice by actually vomiting, especially on a partner.
I like it say when cheerleaders pour milk on each other or are hosed down (with water that is, you sick fucks…) while wearing white t-shirts – don’t we all? But once they start heaving on another and start getting aroused, I’m switching channels back to wholesome entertainment, like the UFC or South Park.
And naturally it gets worse (deviation for a moment, why do the really twisted things in our world always have a lower point?). I am truly and utterly tired of this world. The sexual fixation element isn’t reserved only for just watching others vomit or vomiting yourself, it extends to:
- getting vomited on
- vomiting on someone else
- eating your own vomit
- and of course, eating another person’s vomit.
Isn’t it awesome that we have these people circulating in the world with the rest of us. I just hope that my boys don’t end up dating an emetophile.
I guess I’m just not looking at this from a positive perspective. I could keep all of my son’s discarded oral waste and sell it on an emetophile website. I’m sure there’s a few out there but I’m really too afraid to look.
And if this blog post hasn’t resulted in inducing your own state of vomiting, here’s some other pleasant things I discovered people (well, people as defined in the widest sense) get off on:
- deformed people
- breast milk
- elderly people
- crushing insects
- rubbing up against strangers
- breasts (I kind of get this one)
- Why you got vomit (wiki.answers.com)
- Lady Gaga tells you to “worship” your vomit. (popspoken.wordpress.com)
- Disturbing Fetishes (socyberty.com)