Let’s Kill James Cameron & Avatar Sequels

Robert Patrick found success with his portraya...
Back when I knew how to make movies

If you liked Avatar you’re either a moron or.. no, you’re just a moron. I sense you’d be entertained by a Smurfs sequel or toys for children up to 5 years. And that argument of “it was visually awesome” is like saying to your friends she had a great body but couldn’t tie shoelaces.

Well good news for you, James Cameron will pollute the cinema world with 2 or 3 more Avatar sequels.

In a recent statement to the NY Times, James Cameron stated that he’s only in the Avatar business now and planning to make 2, 3 and possibly 4. Obviously this once-upon-a-time-ago great director is happy churning out more shit movies from a franchise that should never have been given life in the first place.

Let me channel what JC was actually thinking while uttering this threat to modern day cinema:

JC Voice: I’m only in the Avatar business now
JC Brain: I’m only interest in making movies that will earn me a shitload of cash, regardless of whether they’re aimed at stimulating the minds of children under 8 and adults that like pretty colours. I’ve essentially guaranteed myself  I’ll never have to worry about pesky things like plot, good character development and writing a script that doesn’t make semi intelligent people want to vomit.

JC Voice: These films allow me to say “everything” he needs to say about “the state of the world.”
JC Brain: I now have such a limited view of the world, that it can be only depicted by embarrassingly the most unimaginative creation in the history of film but hey, the kids might think about recycling and not mowing down forests that they’ll never visit.

JC Voice: But I’ll consider still making documentaries.
JC Brain: I know I’m going to get super bored, so what I’ll do is film myself doing really expensive things that will show that I’m quite an interesting guy and have real concerns about the planet. A shame it was that my trip to the bottom of the ocean didn’t help me find no new characters for Avatar 2 though.

JC Voice: I’ll probably make Avatar 2, 3 and possibly 4.
JC Brain: Damn, I hope this works out better than it did for Michael Bay. Transformers 2 and 3 sucked balls. Maybe after 4 movies, I’ll at least get one of these right and reacquire critical acclaim as I did with Aliens and T2. Fuck! Who am I kidding? I forgot… I’m a total hack now that lost my way a decade ago.

While this may seem like a hateful rant (and it is), what hurts the most is James Cameron is responsible for 2 of my favourite movies of all time and unfortunately 2 of my most hated movies of all time. Loved – Aliens and Terminator 2, Hated – Avatar and Titanic. I seriously sense that he has a split personality syndrome as the same man can’t make movies of such great variance.

Now that he’s only interested in cashing up, we get 3 more fucking Avatar sequels! Holy crap. I hear the sequel is due in 2016, that’s good I guess, I won’t have to kill myself for another 4 years.

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5 thoughts on “Let’s Kill James Cameron & Avatar Sequels

  1. Much like an avatar on the internet only represents someone who’s not really there in their actual form (i.e. I’m not really a raccoon and I’m not actually on this page… I’m in my computer room at home), the title Avatar means “the audience wants to be somewhere else”.

  2. Oh please god. Please tell me that this is a joke? no more prequels, sequels or whatever!!! Is there no more original thoughts out there?

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