When you’re right, you could be wrong

So I have a job, I know difficult to believe given the amount of valuable time I’m throwing into playing games on my iphone but yes, I work and have to interact with others and be civil and sometimes not be myself (sigh).

Anyway, this post is going to be quite dull (hooray) as the subject matter is.. well.. dull. But the gist of the tale.. for the last 4 weeks I’ve been telling people that I’m accountable to (stakeholders in the biz) that I’m going to do something. This something involves making sure that I ask someone else to do this something. Compelling reading. So, I confirm that this something will be done by the someone on 1 Feb, I tell all my someones (remember, stakeholders) that 1 Feb is the date. Then in mid Jan I receive an email by the someone telling me that 1 Feb is no good and this will be moved out to 14 Feb (Valentines Day, no relation). I read or at least think I read the someone’s email but completely fail to identify the message regarding delay. Then 2 weeks pass. I call my someone and say hey, you’ve got a couple of days till 1 Feb, looking forwards to seeing my something. They say, hey, I told you 14 Feb why the rush. I then proceed to build myself a pedestal, email the someone and the someone’s boss, saying hey, I didn’t get no god damn message about the delay to the something. See where this is going friends, cause I sure as fuck didn’t… The someone then re-sends me their email (that they’d already sent me 2 weeks earlier), saying please find the email telling you the something is getting delayed. The someone should have said, read you’re fucking emails, or how retarded are you, or can you read? etc. The someone was nice enuff not to rub my face in it but I still feel as dumb as shit.

Hooray for today. Tomorrow I get to tell my boss that I’ve fucked up the something and couldn’t organise my someone (which meant reading what the someone sent me, twice already).

How am I even employed. WTF.

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Too old to play games on my iphone

This evening I complain about myself. I find I’m  completely addicted to my iPhone like so many others. Not exactly an uncommon phenomena but I, for some fucking reason, play retarded time-wasting iPhone games like Simpson Tapped Out (up to level 26, why, exactly why??) and then have recently started playing the Hobbit Kingdoms of Middle Earth game which is basically a build your city, get an army, farm stuff and try not to get attacked by others.. by others, I assume I’m referring to 12 years olds working out their acne and masturbation issues.

So for the last couple of weeks I’m wasting good time building up my city (level 29), which also means I’ve again thrown wayyyyy too much time into an endeavour that gets me nowhere. It’s like when a guys spend their entire teen years with a needy, hot chick that they no they’ll never see naked and relent on being their best (male) friend for absolutely no put out.

Anyway, to the point. my pretend city gets attacked by someone called Captain Caveman (yep). So then, I attack him back, then he, then I, then he and wipes out my valued resources. All good fun, until the fucker sends me a message asking me “did I really think I was going to get away with it”. Well, yeah I guess. Then I thought, what a little prick, why can’t you just enjoy your victory. Then I respond to the effect or you’re a winner but your spelling (which was super poor, shit, hope I’m not insulting a retarded kid) indicates you may be a loser in real life.

Then.. this is where I come to the realisation.. what the fuck am I doing.. also,why the fuck do i care. It’s a game, it’s a stupid game and I’ve already wasted a stupidly signficant amount of time on it. Then the shame starts to hit. I’m not a child, and have a job, family, responsibilities and here I am getting angry at a mentally challenged millennial over an endeavour that I should be ashamed of being a part of.

Sigh and super big sigh. So I decided, blog it, get it off my chest and go do something important… like watch the last 2 eps of Fringe sitting on my DVR.

 

People are still fucking rude – and sometimes weirdly friendly

So it’s been a long time since I’ve engaged into a written rant. Worry not, I’ve had lots of verbal ones and some with my inner monologue. This one requires no long explanation.

I was eating lunch on my own in a Malaysian cafe. It was lunchtime, pretty busy and there were not too many available tables to choose from. So there was this table of 4 in which 2 guys were half way through their meal. I asked if I could sit there (as table sharing was pretty common in this establishment) and in a totally non rude manner, the older of the two said “sure mate”.  So I sat and waited for my meal to arrive. It’s a riveting tale so far.

So I have my headphones on, listening to a podcast (I think it was Adam Carolla) but can overhear hear the older guy on the next table as he was obnoxiously loud. Tough to be heard in a bustling, noisy cafe but still, he managed. He started bitching about how rude people were in Queensland, and that people in Sydney are were also super rude, and don’t get him started about the people round here (Melbourne), and then he started on some ethnicities which was strange as he was sitting with an Indian guy (a minority in my fair country).

My food arrives after 20 fuckin minutes but it’s good so, you know. So the grey haired douche next to me finishes his meal and then shoves his plate to his right, on my god damned table. He doesn’t look up or acknowledge that he’s put his filth next the food that I still eating. I look up as I’m still thinking to myself what the fuck.. and he looks back at me, smiles and says, “the food’s good here huh? “. I kind of nod as I’m not really sure how to react. I was getting ready for a “hey fuck you man” retort but was thrown off by this unexpected friendliness.

Confused, I didn’t really know how to feel. I was still pissed that I was eating my lunch next to his dirty plate and cutlery but he threw my off with his unpredictable behaviour. I wonder if this makes met he asshole.

God bless characters I can relate too

God Bless America
God Bless America (Photo credit: ClaraDon)

Back in the day and before you were born, there was a strange comedian called Bobcat Goldthwait who appeared in some pretty shitty movies that make up the Police Academy franchise. He did a lot of screaming which scared animals and old people. Funny but not super ha ha funny. Anyway, Bobcat (there are worse names, like Kardashian) evolved to become a director of low budget independent movies that I’m sure you’ve not heard of.

I watched his latest creation “God Bless America” is a black comedy about Frank. Frank is generally miserable as a result of his deteriorating relationships with his ex wife and uncaring daughter, his shitty job, a recent diagnosis of a brain tumor and the unrelenting supply of reality television.

Frank decides that offing himself is a good solution. While attempting to end it all with a handgun in mouth, he’s distracted by this obnoxious rant of this piece of shit reality star super bitch teenager who naturally has her own TV show. She’s famous for abusing her parents, picking on unpopular kids, telling all that she’s beautiful and has lots of money. He decides that killing her for essentially being unkind is something he needs to do before ending his own life. Frank (the everyday man’s superhero) decides to shoot her in the face as she’s getting into her expensive car after school.

He then teams up with a teenage schoolgirl who witnesses his act of decent murder. She (Roxy) eventually encourages him to dish out a range his vengence taking a road trip with her that essentially becomes a wonderful and completely justified spree of murders. Their victims include of society scumbags such as:

  • the shithead that takes up two car parking spaces
  • retarded teens won’t stop talking during a movie
  • the anti gay fuckers who protest gay funerals
  • Glenn Beck type, right wing antichrists who spread hate of all minorities.

The point of all of this this is, low movie speaks volumes to me. While it won’t appeal to all, it certainly strikes a chord for those that ever desired to take the law into their own hands and stand up against shitty behaviour.

Let’s Kill James Cameron & Avatar Sequels

Robert Patrick found success with his portraya...
Back when I knew how to make movies

If you liked Avatar you’re either a moron or.. no, you’re just a moron. I sense you’d be entertained by a Smurfs sequel or toys for children up to 5 years. And that argument of “it was visually awesome” is like saying to your friends she had a great body but couldn’t tie shoelaces.

Well good news for you, James Cameron will pollute the cinema world with 2 or 3 more Avatar sequels.

In a recent statement to the NY Times, James Cameron stated that he’s only in the Avatar business now and planning to make 2, 3 and possibly 4. Obviously this once-upon-a-time-ago great director is happy churning out more shit movies from a franchise that should never have been given life in the first place.

Let me channel what JC was actually thinking while uttering this threat to modern day cinema:

JC Voice: I’m only in the Avatar business now
JC Brain: I’m only interest in making movies that will earn me a shitload of cash, regardless of whether they’re aimed at stimulating the minds of children under 8 and adults that like pretty colours. I’ve essentially guaranteed myself  I’ll never have to worry about pesky things like plot, good character development and writing a script that doesn’t make semi intelligent people want to vomit.

JC Voice: These films allow me to say “everything” he needs to say about “the state of the world.”
JC Brain: I now have such a limited view of the world, that it can be only depicted by embarrassingly the most unimaginative creation in the history of film but hey, the kids might think about recycling and not mowing down forests that they’ll never visit.

JC Voice: But I’ll consider still making documentaries.
JC Brain: I know I’m going to get super bored, so what I’ll do is film myself doing really expensive things that will show that I’m quite an interesting guy and have real concerns about the planet. A shame it was that my trip to the bottom of the ocean didn’t help me find no new characters for Avatar 2 though.

JC Voice: I’ll probably make Avatar 2, 3 and possibly 4.
JC Brain: Damn, I hope this works out better than it did for Michael Bay. Transformers 2 and 3 sucked balls. Maybe after 4 movies, I’ll at least get one of these right and reacquire critical acclaim as I did with Aliens and T2. Fuck! Who am I kidding? I forgot… I’m a total hack now that lost my way a decade ago.

While this may seem like a hateful rant (and it is), what hurts the most is James Cameron is responsible for 2 of my favourite movies of all time and unfortunately 2 of my most hated movies of all time. Loved – Aliens and Terminator 2, Hated – Avatar and Titanic. I seriously sense that he has a split personality syndrome as the same man can’t make movies of such great variance.

Now that he’s only interested in cashing up, we get 3 more fucking Avatar sequels! Holy crap. I hear the sequel is due in 2016, that’s good I guess, I won’t have to kill myself for another 4 years.

Appendix A: You are not special

line thing with average area vu qoc
We all = Average

Just an additional note to my previous post, maybe the world’s full of assholes because we’re brought up to believe that everyone is special, has something unique that can’t be found in anyone else, that our opinion should be voiced and that we’re never fucking wrong. Well guess what MF, you and I are pretty much everyone else don’t have any of these things going on.

Most people are average and not special (like me and probably you), some are below average and suck (like KKK members and rapists), and then there are those few and I mean like a handful do have something that makes them special (like Meryl Streep).

So let’s stop it with celebrating the average and mundane and maybe people will pull their heads from them asses and start being civil to each other.

Start Ignoring Everyone

Anger Controlls Him
how you make me feel

I’ve essentially worked out that what annoys me the most is having to regularly interact with other people. I’m not referring to friends, family and other people I know (although they can be annoying at times as well) but more specifically, people I encounter normally just the once but have a last impression on me and lead me to lose faith in the very essence of humanity, i.e. strangers.

In many ways this blog has been a diary of people that have pissed me off in a big fucking way, leading to rage. Let’s recap:

– the moron in the lie down bicycle stopping traffic on a major highway
– the homeless man telling me that I shouldn’t steal a dis guarded Care Bear soft toy, which I didn’t want
– the asshole who took wanted to throw down when I accidentally, almost took his car parking space even after apologising
– the elderly customer at McDonalds in line who insisted that I need to buy a Mc Happy Meal to get my football poster and that paying for it separately was not an option
– the guy that decides walking into my 2 year old (now 3) in the supermarket aisle would not result some sort of reaction.

I have more, many more recent examples that I just don’t have the strength to write about anymore. Essentially, I’m now in a place where I’m anticipating that people will act in bad faith before ever assuming they wont. As an experiment, I was driving in pretty heavy traffic and gave way to  5 oncoming drivers due to a car parked and blocking a two lane street, I made the point to carefully observe every driver passing. Question, how many provided (what used to be the customary) thank you wave or gesture of any sort? Answer, ready… 0/5. Point proven.

So, this is probably not news to any normal person living in today’s society of “get ahead” or “I’m no. 1! and you suck” undertones and I guess I’m retarded enough to believe people are essentially good and it’s only a small proportion of people that deserve to die horribly.

So I hereby proclaim that yes, pretty much everyone is fucking moron, and is out to piss me off and will never change unless I get physically violent and or remove them off the face of this earth. I’ve been delusional for too long and have to accept this as a fact and stop getting so incredibly fucking agitated by people that I shouldn’t give a fuck about in the first place.

Until I’m given the power by some spiritual force or government agency to kill strangers without damnation or punishment, I guess I’m just going to have to let these fuckers get the best of me and like the rest of you, tolerate and ignore people that should be dealt with brutal force as opposed to just being politely ignored.