When you’re right, you could be wrong

So I have a job, I know difficult to believe given the amount of valuable time I’m throwing into playing games on my iphone but yes, I work and have to interact with others and be civil and sometimes not be myself (sigh).

Anyway, this post is going to be quite dull (hooray) as the subject matter is.. well.. dull. But the gist of the tale.. for the last 4 weeks I’ve been telling people that I’m accountable to (stakeholders in the biz) that I’m going to do something. This something involves making sure that I ask someone else to do this something. Compelling reading. So, I confirm that this something will be done by the someone on 1 Feb, I tell all my someones (remember, stakeholders) that 1 Feb is the date. Then in mid Jan I receive an email by the someone telling me that 1 Feb is no good and this will be moved out to 14 Feb (Valentines Day, no relation). I read or at least think I read the someone’s email but completely fail to identify the message regarding delay. Then 2 weeks pass. I call my someone and say hey, you’ve got a couple of days till 1 Feb, looking forwards to seeing my something. They say, hey, I told you 14 Feb why the rush. I then proceed to build myself a pedestal, email the someone and the someone’s boss, saying hey, I didn’t get no god damn message about the delay to the something. See where this is going friends, cause I sure as fuck didn’t… The someone then re-sends me their email (that they’d already sent me 2 weeks earlier), saying please find the email telling you the something is getting delayed. The someone should have said, read you’re fucking emails, or how retarded are you, or can you read? etc. The someone was nice enuff not to rub my face in it but I still feel as dumb as shit.

Hooray for today. Tomorrow I get to tell my boss that I’ve fucked up the something and couldn’t organise my someone (which meant reading what the someone sent me, twice already).

How am I even employed. WTF.


Too old to play games on my iphone

This evening I complain about myself. I find I’m  completely addicted to my iPhone like so many others. Not exactly an uncommon phenomena but I, for some fucking reason, play retarded time-wasting iPhone games like Simpson Tapped Out (up to level 26, why, exactly why??) and then have recently started playing the Hobbit Kingdoms of Middle Earth game which is basically a build your city, get an army, farm stuff and try not to get attacked by others.. by others, I assume I’m referring to 12 years olds working out their acne and masturbation issues.

So for the last couple of weeks I’m wasting good time building up my city (level 29), which also means I’ve again thrown wayyyyy too much time into an endeavour that gets me nowhere. It’s like when a guys spend their entire teen years with a needy, hot chick that they no they’ll never see naked and relent on being their best (male) friend for absolutely no put out.

Anyway, to the point. my pretend city gets attacked by someone called Captain Caveman (yep). So then, I attack him back, then he, then I, then he and wipes out my valued resources. All good fun, until the fucker sends me a message asking me “did I really think I was going to get away with it”. Well, yeah I guess. Then I thought, what a little prick, why can’t you just enjoy your victory. Then I respond to the effect or you’re a winner but your spelling (which was super poor, shit, hope I’m not insulting a retarded kid) indicates you may be a loser in real life.

Then.. this is where I come to the realisation.. what the fuck am I doing.. also,why the fuck do i care. It’s a game, it’s a stupid game and I’ve already wasted a stupidly signficant amount of time on it. Then the shame starts to hit. I’m not a child, and have a job, family, responsibilities and here I am getting angry at a mentally challenged millennial over an endeavour that I should be ashamed of being a part of.

Sigh and super big sigh. So I decided, blog it, get it off my chest and go do something important… like watch the last 2 eps of Fringe sitting on my DVR.


People are still fucking rude – and sometimes weirdly friendly

So it’s been a long time since I’ve engaged into a written rant. Worry not, I’ve had lots of verbal ones and some with my inner monologue. This one requires no long explanation.

I was eating lunch on my own in a Malaysian cafe. It was lunchtime, pretty busy and there were not too many available tables to choose from. So there was this table of 4 in which 2 guys were half way through their meal. I asked if I could sit there (as table sharing was pretty common in this establishment) and in a totally non rude manner, the older of the two said “sure mate”.  So I sat and waited for my meal to arrive. It’s a riveting tale so far.

So I have my headphones on, listening to a podcast (I think it was Adam Carolla) but can overhear hear the older guy on the next table as he was obnoxiously loud. Tough to be heard in a bustling, noisy cafe but still, he managed. He started bitching about how rude people were in Queensland, and that people in Sydney are were also super rude, and don’t get him started about the people round here (Melbourne), and then he started on some ethnicities which was strange as he was sitting with an Indian guy (a minority in my fair country).

My food arrives after 20 fuckin minutes but it’s good so, you know. So the grey haired douche next to me finishes his meal and then shoves his plate to his right, on my god damned table. He doesn’t look up or acknowledge that he’s put his filth next the food that I still eating. I look up as I’m still thinking to myself what the fuck.. and he looks back at me, smiles and says, “the food’s good here huh? “. I kind of nod as I’m not really sure how to react. I was getting ready for a “hey fuck you man” retort but was thrown off by this unexpected friendliness.

Confused, I didn’t really know how to feel. I was still pissed that I was eating my lunch next to his dirty plate and cutlery but he threw my off with his unpredictable behaviour. I wonder if this makes met he asshole.

Let’s Kill James Cameron & Avatar Sequels

Robert Patrick found success with his portraya...
Back when I knew how to make movies

If you liked Avatar you’re either a moron or.. no, you’re just a moron. I sense you’d be entertained by a Smurfs sequel or toys for children up to 5 years. And that argument of “it was visually awesome” is like saying to your friends she had a great body but couldn’t tie shoelaces.

Well good news for you, James Cameron will pollute the cinema world with 2 or 3 more Avatar sequels.

In a recent statement to the NY Times, James Cameron stated that he’s only in the Avatar business now and planning to make 2, 3 and possibly 4. Obviously this once-upon-a-time-ago great director is happy churning out more shit movies from a franchise that should never have been given life in the first place.

Let me channel what JC was actually thinking while uttering this threat to modern day cinema:

JC Voice: I’m only in the Avatar business now
JC Brain: I’m only interest in making movies that will earn me a shitload of cash, regardless of whether they’re aimed at stimulating the minds of children under 8 and adults that like pretty colours. I’ve essentially guaranteed myself  I’ll never have to worry about pesky things like plot, good character development and writing a script that doesn’t make semi intelligent people want to vomit.

JC Voice: These films allow me to say “everything” he needs to say about “the state of the world.”
JC Brain: I now have such a limited view of the world, that it can be only depicted by embarrassingly the most unimaginative creation in the history of film but hey, the kids might think about recycling and not mowing down forests that they’ll never visit.

JC Voice: But I’ll consider still making documentaries.
JC Brain: I know I’m going to get super bored, so what I’ll do is film myself doing really expensive things that will show that I’m quite an interesting guy and have real concerns about the planet. A shame it was that my trip to the bottom of the ocean didn’t help me find no new characters for Avatar 2 though.

JC Voice: I’ll probably make Avatar 2, 3 and possibly 4.
JC Brain: Damn, I hope this works out better than it did for Michael Bay. Transformers 2 and 3 sucked balls. Maybe after 4 movies, I’ll at least get one of these right and reacquire critical acclaim as I did with Aliens and T2. Fuck! Who am I kidding? I forgot… I’m a total hack now that lost my way a decade ago.

While this may seem like a hateful rant (and it is), what hurts the most is James Cameron is responsible for 2 of my favourite movies of all time and unfortunately 2 of my most hated movies of all time. Loved – Aliens and Terminator 2, Hated – Avatar and Titanic. I seriously sense that he has a split personality syndrome as the same man can’t make movies of such great variance.

Now that he’s only interested in cashing up, we get 3 more fucking Avatar sequels! Holy crap. I hear the sequel is due in 2016, that’s good I guess, I won’t have to kill myself for another 4 years.

Start Ignoring Everyone

Anger Controlls Him
how you make me feel

I’ve essentially worked out that what annoys me the most is having to regularly interact with other people. I’m not referring to friends, family and other people I know (although they can be annoying at times as well) but more specifically, people I encounter normally just the once but have a last impression on me and lead me to lose faith in the very essence of humanity, i.e. strangers.

In many ways this blog has been a diary of people that have pissed me off in a big fucking way, leading to rage. Let’s recap:

– the moron in the lie down bicycle stopping traffic on a major highway
– the homeless man telling me that I shouldn’t steal a dis guarded Care Bear soft toy, which I didn’t want
– the asshole who took wanted to throw down when I accidentally, almost took his car parking space even after apologising
– the elderly customer at McDonalds in line who insisted that I need to buy a Mc Happy Meal to get my football poster and that paying for it separately was not an option
– the guy that decides walking into my 2 year old (now 3) in the supermarket aisle would not result some sort of reaction.

I have more, many more recent examples that I just don’t have the strength to write about anymore. Essentially, I’m now in a place where I’m anticipating that people will act in bad faith before ever assuming they wont. As an experiment, I was driving in pretty heavy traffic and gave way to  5 oncoming drivers due to a car parked and blocking a two lane street, I made the point to carefully observe every driver passing. Question, how many provided (what used to be the customary) thank you wave or gesture of any sort? Answer, ready… 0/5. Point proven.

So, this is probably not news to any normal person living in today’s society of “get ahead” or “I’m no. 1! and you suck” undertones and I guess I’m retarded enough to believe people are essentially good and it’s only a small proportion of people that deserve to die horribly.

So I hereby proclaim that yes, pretty much everyone is fucking moron, and is out to piss me off and will never change unless I get physically violent and or remove them off the face of this earth. I’ve been delusional for too long and have to accept this as a fact and stop getting so incredibly fucking agitated by people that I shouldn’t give a fuck about in the first place.

Until I’m given the power by some spiritual force or government agency to kill strangers without damnation or punishment, I guess I’m just going to have to let these fuckers get the best of me and like the rest of you, tolerate and ignore people that should be dealt with brutal force as opposed to just being politely ignored.

Still complaining about the Oscars… one year on

Italiano: Stella di Meryl Streep sulla Hollywo...
No one comes close

Last year to the day, I was super annoyed that Inception didn’t win the Best Picture Oscar and hence through my rage, I started a blog to address this injustice in the hopes of starting a ground swell of public outcry to force the reversal of this decision. With a total of 3 readers rallying by my side, I couldn’t quite make this happen – sorry Leo my man.

Anyway, against the wisdom that I should employ in my daily life, I chose to watch the Oscars and found myself significantly less annoyed. I think I must be in a more apathetic place plus I think I’ve watched about 10 movies this year and can’t really cast an opinion on stuff I’ve not seen. To clarify, I saw one out from the nine movies nominated this year and that movie suck ass big fucking time. Guess.. anyone? The Tree of Life. Holy crap wasn’t this the most overated piece of confusing, mind bending and slow motion captured fluff ever made in the history of film? Surely with Brad Pitt and Sean Penn on hand, something signficantly more interesting could have eventuated (examples; se7en, 21 grams, fight club, carlito’s way).

So a few things I observed:

Jennifer Lopez is amazing for 42. I know everyone is currently obsessed staring at her nipples but damn she’s so pretty. I’ve come across this phenomena late in life (i.e. the last few years) and ashamedly discovered her watching Idol (there goes my one reader, dang it).

Billy Crystal should be forced to host every year till death. Sure he was corny at times but he’s leagues better than anyone else I’ve seen. After that dumb ass Cirque Du Soleil bit his “we’re a pony away from a bar mitzvah” line was funny, no? Am I the only one?

Meryl Streep is the greatest actor or actress of all god damn time (see The Deer Hunter). Name me a movie (be it great or not) where she sucked, one time..go on.. one time. That’s right MF, back off now.

I thought Nick Nolte was really good in Warrior. If you had to have an alcoholic father you could do much worse than Paddy Conlon (Paddy.. great name). And I get that a UFC based movie would never get nominated (snobs) even if it was like totally entertaining.

Why wasn’t The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo nominated for best film? Is wasn’t better than the horse movie. I really liked it and Rooney Mara was interesting – that rape scene was pretty rough to watch. By the way, if you’re sensitive to these types of scenes (and if you’re not, please stop reading and go find a bridge now) never, never watch Irreversable (still scarred).

I liked that Bret McKenzie (Conchords) won an Oscar for the Muppets (Best Song). Funny that there were only 2 songs nominated. I felt kind of the same way last year when watching Trent Reznor win last year. Guess they didn’t think much of the remade version of Immigrant Song with that chick from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (see below).


Anyway, probably not the most comprehesive review of cinema’s night of nights but then I’ve spent most of my last 12 months addicted to what I’m feeling is the Golden Age of Television. In my opinion, there’s a lot better watching to be had with the likes of Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, Sons Of Anarchy, Community, Homeland. These are better than an movies I’ve seen over the past year.

Technology that depreciates life – level crossing

Ramsbottom level crossing being opened to road...
One train, two trains..

I’m not sure that a railroad level crossing actually qualifies as a legitimate piece of technology. At some point in time (maybe the 1800s if I’m to use AMC’s Hell on Wheels as my historical reference) this piece of antiquated tech was considered actual technology as it prevented cars from mostly colliding with oncoming trains (except for the end of Back to Future 3) and so I suppose it still does but… WTF.

Scenario, I’m driving to work on potentially one of the worst traffic days in recorded history. Reason.. a city I live in is completely dependent on the smooth operation of a major highway which inbound suburban traffic to the city centre and some idiot crashes a truck into a bridge support closing off traffic at about 8am on I what I vaguely recall to be a Monday morning. So, traffic is crippled city-wide and I’m attempting to find the least aggravating method of getting to work in less than say 2 hours (compared to my regular commute of 45 minutes).

Somehow I manage to get through the worst of it, a few non standard deviations from my normal route and I’m surprisingly making great time, contrary to what I anticipated. That is until I come up to a railway level crossing about 7 minutes from my destination. As I’m approaching, I actually have the opportunity as the red lights flashing and bell ringing to get across but think, oh well, I should be law-abiding etc and I stop as the boom gates lower in front of my car. Unknowingly (as I’ve yet not been able to find a way of predicting the future), this is where I’m to spend the next 25 minutes in my car stationary (or is it stationery – seriously why does the English language need to have to have identically sounding words meaning different things?).

Why am I there for 25 minutes? I couldn’t really work this out either. My expectation of the duration of my stay at a level crossing is say 3 minutes, 5 tops with the need to give way to 1 train, 2 if you’re unlucky. So I’m sitting in my car, one train goes past and I think, good.. up you go boom gates, let me outta here. Nope, the lights keep flashing, bells keeps ringing and I wait for about 5 minutes, it’s a long god damn five minutes when you’ve got nowhere to go. Then another train from the other direction passes.. ok, fine.. up gates up? And still, nothing.

So my aggravation levels start to pick up and I’m thinking.. how many fucking trains do I have to wait for here and more importantly, can’t they lift the friggin’ gates and let the about 100 vehicles banking up behind me go past in between passing trains? This went on for 4 trains and and some pretty long intermissions. At this stage one starts thinking, the gates are broken as there’s no way that a intelligent system is keeping cars motionless for this long. So I call the number on the boom gates which says something along the lines of “in case of faults, please call blah blah and reference boom gate number XXX”.

Given I can’t fucking go anywhere i.e. down gates in front of me and about 5,000 cars behind me, I call the number. Get some guy on the other end and say, I think there’s a problem with boom gate XXX, I’ve been here for over 25 minutes and y’know, would like to get out of here. He replies, sir.. (I don’t like the sir when I’m pissed of, it’s not helpful, if I was really a sir I wouldn’t be watching me life pass before me for absolutely no reason) I don’t have any report of any fault at that particular gate. I reply (calmly), well about 4 trains have passed with some long gaps in between, surely that can’t be normal). Then he dares to respond.. actually sir, the gates are scheduled to be down to allow up to 5 trains to pass at this point in time, we appreciate your patience. WHAT, is planned and normal? Apparently it was as after the 5th train passed, the gate lifted.

So, moral of the story, when you think you’re getting ahead, don’t be so sure. Worst traffic day ever, clever driving which defies the odds as I near work and then, remain motionless because a stupid fucking train line crosses a major road that I happen be on.

Why can’t they bury all the god damn train lines that remain above ground, like in most developed cities in the world. This would never happen in Tokyo.